I wanna start off by saying how the fuck are you all doing? Like honestly don’t give me that “I’m fine” bullshit. That’s only acceptable to say to you’re partner when they’ve pissed you off but you don’t wanna say anything, so you say “nothing I’m fine” and they casually get on with their day, you get more fucked off because they didn’t question you about it so you to start of a full blown argument stating “I just think it’s funny that…” we’ve all been there.
I just hope you’re all coping as well as you can. That’s kind of all anyone is able to do right now. I know some people who’ve been training for this their entire lives and are loving life having to stay indoors. Only thing they are probably stressed about is all their extrovert friends are now stuck inside too and constantly belling off their phones trying to talk to them. It’s nothing personal we know you like your own space we just lonely too you know?
Now a time when the typical adult (aka me) would usually stare daggers through my mobile when someone calls, just to let it ring out and text saying “sorry I’m busy text me” when in reality I’m literally beached watching re runs of some cooking show on food network. Thing is when something like this happens you kinda feel obligated to answer. Like you’d end up feeling bad because we are all in the same boat and probably only calling to hear a familiar voice.
I genuinely don’t know what day it is. The only time I know each day is 7pm when the kids are marched up to their bedrooms, tucked into bed and told “night night boys straight to sleep” just so mum can have a bath and most likely half a bottle of wine in peace. There isn’t a structure to most days in this house. I’ve tried with the homeschooling. Basically my kids got expelled for repeatedly not listening and the teacher got sacked for drinking on the Job.
That my friends is pretty much it. No, this is all in jest, we’ve been doing as much as we can. Reading, writing, colouring, sports. I’m not pushing my children to do a whole day plan of absolutely everything because quite frankly they don’t have a fucking clue what’s going on right now and as long as I can make it as easy and as less confusing as possible then I’m doing something right. We’ve been for walks round the woods, we’ve drawn pictures of rainbows together to stick in our windows. We’ve had fun together, made memories together and spent time as a family because why not when you have practically all the time in the world?
Having a birthday in lockdown is the equivalent feeling of being a 8 year old child with a birthday party no one turns up for. It’s lovely that people still try and make it the best they can but there’s only so much you can take getting pissed in your kitchen on your own in a zoom call or house party chat. It’s all fun and games and it’s definitely an adaption to normal life but at the end of the night when you put the phone down, it just doesn’t quite cut it like it does getting a taxi back from town, completely mortal, eyelashes practically falling off, sinking your lips into some dude with a personality of a wet flannel all because you got beer goggles on or making a thousand bad decisions and regretting it the next day. I genuinely miss putting heels on, getting holes in your tights, walking up to the kebab shop for food you don’t wanna eat and cans of lemonade and spending time with people that you love and care about. I mean after all that I still try and make my way up my stairs into my bedroom but right now that’s all I’ve got. Makes the trip home just that little bit less interesting.
Let’s be honest here folks. Are you talking to people you’ve never really spoken to properly or drifted from because your bored? I feel this could be a common denominator in isolation. Also, whose text their ex yet? Come on fess up. Ooo what about that person who soul destroyed you because them and their fuck boy brain cell thought times like isolation would be a great time to start something up again? Not today hun. Or ever. Basically what I’m saying is, never. Like why on this earth would I break lockdown rules to get some pencil dick from some sad sack who called me his world alongside 8 other copy and pasters in his inbox? What you trying to build darling? A solar system? I’ve got a blog post about my escapades on tinder before the apocalypse coming up. We can touch more on this in that post so stay tuned.
All this is completely irrelevant and purely written for the entertainment value. I feel like this day in age, even when the world is a massive shit show we are constantly reminding each other or pre apologising for something that we could possibly do if we offend certain people. Even in all this uncertainty, I always find humour in writing is the way to my heart. Probably because I relate to half the stuff that’s out there or because it just feels real. Someone else is writing what I’m feeling and it helps. This is one of the many reasons I started this. To help and humour you guys.
I miss my family so much i can’t put it into words. I miss all my friends more than I could possible begin to think possible and I miss watching my children have a routine. (As much as we try at home it’s not going to be easy) I know this will be over at some point, and we will look back in months to come and realise it wasn’t really as hard as we thought it would be. We will be together again, we will give the ones we’ve missed the cuddles we long for, the hand shakes, pats in the back. For most, all of this will be a story to tell the grandchildren, because they will be learning about it in school history classes. Some are saying it’s the perfect time to learn a new skill, get fit, write a book. Paint a picture. To be honest if you made it out of bed without the crippling anxiety surrounding your weekly essential trip to Tesco then you’re doing okay sis. Don’t push yourself to thrive in a time where there is so much fear in the unknown. You do you and you’ll be fine.