MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!!
Now the unwanted smell of 2018 is nearly out the way we can prepare for new things such as having my ever growing hatred for Valentine’s Day, trying out a new fad diet to loose the 47 stone you put on over the holidays, planning my wedding by pinning every. single. wedding pin i can possibly find and then never actually using them, preparing for the fact Christmas will YET AGAIN sneak up on us in about 3 months time and the fact that many of my dear friends and acquaintances will be turning 26 this year. Yep, OVER QUARTER OF A CENTURY. Scary to think really but as I’ve got progressively older I’ve come to realise that there is quite a few things I’ve learnt along the way and these things are normal. Life is all about learning things and if you don’t think any of this are socially acceptable ways to behave then I’m hoping I can enlighten you on something to think about as another year begins.
1. It is socially acceptable to change into your pyjamas at 4pm. Because it’s bedtime somewhere in the world and you can now buy some really cute sets. Am I right? Yes I think I am.
2. Student nights in Brighton are exactly that. Yes the alcohol is cheap and the music is somewhat decent, but if you want to have a dance off with someone who thinks dabbing, flossing (i’m down with the kids clearly) and 47 jagerbombs is a great idea then be my guest. But by my calculations they are probably younger then your brother or sister.
3. Sitting at home and getting yourself a large pizza whilst binging on 2 weeks worth of hollyoaks doesn’t make you an elephant or boring. It makes you a human who is having a chilled one and can’t be fucked to cook. Yes you might be able to taste the calories sitting on your hips but pizza is life.
4. I repeat. Pizza is life.
5. I am now fully prepared that a hangover lasts longer then the next morning. That shit lasts a whole week.
6. If you are a young mum like myself then you will more than likely understand and have come to accept you will never ever be allowed to go for a wee in peace. Ever again.
7. Staying in and doing nothing isn’t boring. It is just as much fun as going out on a wreckers with the girls. Plus you won’t loose your dignity, drunk text your ex or find eyelashes in your hair the next morning. Winning. At. Life.
8. It’s normal to go into Tesco for one thing and come out with half the shop, a 50 inch telly and 836 pounds in debt with your overdraft. Whilst your there you might as well buy something to sacrifice to the gods in light of your current bank balance.
9. On this subject of shopping. It is also perfectly acceptable to buy tampons and condoms. We all have a period and a big high 5 to you for having safe sex. You’re mum would be proud.
10. Online shopping is a god send. Walking round Crawley town centre in your pants, sporting a “mum bun” and having make up down your face isn’t deemed as social etiquette. I know some people who wonder round there don’t understand social graces but it’s not okay.
11. Also it’s perfectly normal to put 26 things from the sale in your basket on the misguided website and then freak out because you’ve got to pay shipping.
12. It’s okay to buy things from “skinny shops” such as top shop and H&M a couple of sizes bigger then you normally do because shops don’t seem to understand that sizes should be the same. You haven’t put on loads of weight, you’re just a normal person. Everyone has to do this, it’s not just you.
13. Leggings and trackies are acceptable items of clothing. They are comfy, you can eat so much food and not have to be concerned about undoing buttons on your jeans in the middle of Nando’s because the half a chicken has defeated your waistline. Girls we are not walking catwalk models.
14. Taking selfies of your on point make up doesn’t make you vain or narcissistic. It’s okay to love yourself. As long as you add a couple of extra things to your Instagram and it’s not just a portfolio of your face with a different pout every time.
15. Group chats are always a winner. It’s the best way to let off some steam drop texting your best friends about something that’s irritating you. Therapy in the best way. They will love you for the gossip and the fact you are leaning on them when you need it.
16. If that guy you like isn’t replying, don’t cry about it. He’s probably busy and not at your beckon call. Don’t make yourself look desperate by double texting him or asking questions just to get a reply. If he wants to talk to you then he will. If not then find someone who will, drop a sassy AF selfie on insta and show him what he’s missing. I salute you.
17. One night stands are not classy. One evening of fun plays on your mind and makes you feel like a dick. They’ve got what they wanted and you most of the time feel full of regret. You’re all worthy of finding someone who wants you forever and not just for a moment.
18. DITCH. ALL. FUCKBOYS. Do I need to explain?
19. Your girls are the best medicine. Break ups, gossip sessions, having a brew and a catch up are all things that will keep you sane. It’s perfectly normal to sit pulling faces over that ex boyfriends social media and slagging off Amy from down the streets Instagram photos because she gets her tits out too much. (Amy is a metaphorical person just to add. I don’t hate someone called Amy. I’m sure they are a lovely person and have a cracking pair.)
20. Take photos. Of absolutely everything. Put them on snapchat, save them to your phone and document and laugh at these at a later date. Photos hold the best memories and will make you look back and smile at the good times you have had. Although if it means your holding on to something you shouldn’t, get rid. They are always on your mind but don’t need to take up your phone memory. Buhbye.
21. Social media isn’t real life. That perfect relationship, snazzy lifestyle and #luckygirl or #couplegoals is just a snapshot into someone’s life. It’s usually never as good as it looks on that perfectly filtered photo they’ve shared.
22. Crying for absolutely no reason is perfectly normal. Everyone gets upset and sometimes you just don’t know why. A cuddle, coffee and a chat normally does the trick. You aren’t psycho and you’re not emotionally unstable. Go out and do number 9 and get chocolate because you’re probably due on. Embrace it.
23. It’s okay to have different friends. Everyone’s got their squad. But we aren’t in school anymore and you’re allowed to have more than one friendship group. It isn’t a competition you must learn that you click with loads of people and not just a few.
24. Another child related one. You may find you don’t have time to do things like you used to. It takes 6 hours to get your kids ready because they stand around with one sock on watching the tv whilst your running about like a sergeant major screaming at them. As much as being late pisses more people off you’ll get there in the end and that’s all that matters.
25. Cherish every single moment. i really mean this one, because you walk through life and don’t quite realise how quickly it is passing you by. all those memories will quickly become stories you’ll be telling your children over the dinner table and will keep you reminiscing for life.
26. Slow down. You may not be able to do every single thing that your friends plan and that’s okay. It doesn’t make you a shit friend it makes you a human. People get busy and plans change or sometimes you just can’t. There’s been many a evening I’ve got so upset about not being able to get involved but sometimes there’s nothing you can do. Roll with it and make the next time you can count.
So there we have it. 26 out of the hundreds of things I’ve learnt over the past god knows how long of being my adult self. These aren’t going to be relevant to everyone but they are just little things I’ve come to understand. I’m a human being. I love and breathe the same air as you. I fight and fall out with my friends or family just like you do and I still cannot fit into the goal jeans I bought in the closing down sale in republic. (Fuck me – who remembers that shop? Hahaha)
All I can say is take each day as it comes. You don’t know what’s round the content and who you’ll be by this time next year. I’ve certainly changed for the better from a year ago today and I couldn’t be happier. Yes I’ve left some incredible memories and people behind but everything happens for a reason and even though these things might not be in my life anymore they hold a special place in my heart.
So here’s to growing up. I welcome 2019 with open arms and can’t wait to see what this year brings me. for me its cuddles with my kids, bring you guys more content about my crazy life and planning my wedding. let the bridezilla unleash!
Have a good one.